Ah Ha, Asshole!

I had an Ah Ha moment the other night. It was one that may seem obvious once you think of it, but it has taken me almost 43 years to get it.

Why are girls always drawn to assholes?

In my previously stated almost 43 years, I have dated many types of guys (even married one for about 15 years). I have been in love, in lust, and in relationships out of sure convenience.  I have had the friend with benefits, the just benefits, and the whole kit and caboodle. These guys have ranged from super intellectual to street smart to dim; from nice to douchbag.

The Asshole 

The Bad: He rarely calls, doesn't follow through on plans, will sometimes ignore you when out, is moody. Pushes you away, then pulls you back in. Your friends usually don’t think you should go out with him.

The Good: Can be very charming, usually good in bed, gets to your soul and connects in ways no else can. Good taste in music, smart, and fun (often shots will be involved in nights out).

The Nice Guy 

The Bad: Can be needy, gets hurt easily, and expects you to be with him all the time.

The Good: He is reliable, is a gentleman, walks you to the door, is always in a good mood, caring, asks you questions about how you are doing, and good to others. Volunteers his time and is involved in the community. Your friends love him.

So why do we pick The Asshole? Here it is – my Ah Ha…

With The Asshole, we know what to expect. He is not perfect, we know this. We have our eyes wide open and just want to hang out and have fun. He is the guy you can stay up all night with, talking about nothing and everything. The sparks are almost visible when you touch. When he does something sweet, it is unexpected and makes us happy. It is a bonus. When he is an ass, we write it off as him just being him. We rarely will let him fully into our lives, as we know this is fleeting (unless he changes…which is a whole different deal).

With The Nice Guy, we have convinced ourselves that he is a nice guy. We go into it very hesitatingly, but soon let our guard down.  We may think, ok, this is how a girl deserves to be treated. Slowly, the connection becomes deeper. Then boom – his assholeness comes out. This hurt is profound. We blame ourselves for getting sucked in – should have known better kind of thing. This is why we get so jaded and protective of our hearts.

So ladies, be careful. And guys, try to be nice!